Three's a Crowd.

Sometimes I feel there are three very different and very distinct sides to my personality. Triplet alter-egos who each adapt and thrive in totally different environments.

There's the side of me that's dedicated to work. "Work hard and shine," is my philosophy in a nutshell. I like to work, and I'm competitive enough to always want to succeed at whatever it is I'm doing. I honestly love spending long hours at the office, partly because I love what I do, partly because it fulfills me, and partly because, I'll be honest, I like to be seen as a hard worker. I value tenacity and a strong work ethic in myself and my peers, so to be seen as such is one of my most fulfilling purposes.

Then there's my "mom" side, which provides me the single most happy moments in life. Being with my daughter makes me realize why being a mom is a job - and the one I want to succeed most in. I value everything about her and our relationship and take my responsibilities very seriously. I want to teach her everything, I want to help her grow into the best person she can be, and I always want her to feel secure and loved.

Then there's the side of my personality that seems at odds with these two personas: my "party girl" side that seems firmly, stubbornly, rooted in my 20s. The side of me that made my best friend declare: "When Mama parties, Mama parties."

The side of me who absolutely struts in sexy leather boots, who doesn't even have to be drinking to want to jump up on a bar and dance.... The one who convinces people to go topless while floating on a boat out at sea... Who practices at home to look like one of the go-go dancers I so admire. Vegas? Forget about it. I thrive more reveling in debauchery than the fated residents of Sodom and Gomorrah. I left my last trip about as guilty as the "What happens in Vegas" commercials (To the delight of my husband.) and find myself absent-mindedly fantasizing about our next trip.

For as withdrawn and introverted as I can be with people in professional situations, I am the complete opposite out on the town, which seems odd to me. Why can't a take a pinch of my outgoing self and give it to my other self? Be a little more well-rounded and social in professional situations, and quite a bit less shy? I question sometimes if this is a problem - these distinct and very strong sides, seemingly at odds with each other. Should I be more one than the other? Should I tone one down?

My major breakthrough was realizing that I'm always afraid in some way. I'm afraid of judgment. I'm afraid of not being successful. Or maybe what's more accurate; I'm afraid of not being perceived as successful or responsible by others. That allowing people to know the full me; strengths, faults, weaknesses, and full personality, will lead to pain somehow. That I'll somehow be taken advantage of.

Knowing that is probably half the battle, because the rational (and fearless) side says "So what if they don't like you? Let go and stop worrying so much."

But the harder part--the much harder part--is learning how to get over it.

And maybe growing up a little bit.