This morning I witnessed what may be the most depressing thing I've seen in a while.
Two people whom I know have already said their marriage is over, but are staying together for their child's sake, fighting a fight that was about nothing and everything. It deteriorated so quickly into an ugly scene of negativity and ominousness, I can't shake it. The saddest part to me, was when the wife said "Well at least you know the truth about this family."
No!! I just want to stick my head in the sand and pretend everything is fine! Like any argument, it wasn't about anything particularly important, but watching the dialogue digress into a mutual attack, followed by the assertion that they're only still together for one reason was just...sad doesn't begin to describe it for me.
I'm letting it affect me more than it should. I know that. It's not that I didn't know (secondhand) that they've got problems and whatever they decide to do doesn't affect me anyway. But witnessing it is an entirely different level, and, not something I ever wanted to see.
How do people get to this point? From "happy and in love" to living like two strangers who don't even seem to like each other?
I have enough fear of marriage tearing apart the insides of my brain, I don't want more. I don't want to see what can become when love dies. I don't want to think about it. I don't even want to know what that looks like.
I want to believe that it doesn't have to be this way: it's just that sometimes you never even see it coming. One day, sunshine and roses and the promise of tomorrow; the next, a bitter, abrupt end you never would have fathomed. No one foresees a bitter divorce on their wedding day...but if everyone starts out blissful in the beginning, how do so many end so badly?
I just want to cry, but it's not over them - it's for myself. For all the fears I can't shake and can't stop from taking hold. For the fact that I can't even give life a chance because I'm so paralyzed by the scenarios running through my imagination. For the fact that this isn't fair to my husband...and not knowing how to change it...
Tonight, the only thing I can do:
I'm saying a prayer and going to bed.
No comments:
Post a Comment