In what may be the most anti-cilmactic end to a friendship, I finally texted a friend whom shall hereafter be known as Colossal Drama Queen, or CDQ for short. "So do you want to be friends anymore?" With nary a response in well over two weeks, I'm taking it for what I assumed it would be, and cutting her loose.
Oddly, I don't regret losing this friendship. It was a convoluted, unending cycle of madness with this girl, one that I don't want or need. This is definitely a "better loved and lost" situation--emphasis on the loss.
Someone who needed constant validation and reassurance, her demands on a friendship became too much for me. If I couldn't join her for some random something-or-other that she casually invited me to over text message, it became a personal offense. If I said, "I have other plans but I'll let you know if I can make it," (which to the other 99% of the population means "If you don't hear from me, I can't come"), she would lord it over me with a guilt trip and unspoken accusations of abandonment. "I never heard from you!"
Meeting up with this person became a calisthenic endurance exercise. I would literally sweat, worrying about being late, knowing she'd throw a fit and/or throw another marathon silent treatment (to which I'd amuse myself by pretending not to notice). This meant disobeying traffic laws and cursing at the top of my lungs to be on time, as she holds people to a higher standard than a high school tardy bell attendance policy.
There was the time we were shopping for bridesmaid dresses for her wedding. She said we could all ride together and would leave at 1pm. Arrive even a minute late, she threatened, and she'd leave without us. Another bridesmaid and I were so worn out by her demands, we said we'd ride separately. We just didn't need to worry about busting our asses to get there and be chewed out if the clock said 1:01.
You'd think we took the smarter, drama-free route by meeting her there. You'd be wrong.
She told us we weren't real friends if we weren't riding with her. Said her fiance couldn't believe we were riding separately either. Then she berated us. Threatened us not to be late for her fitting. Was essentially ready to throw in the towel on our friendship because we had the nerve to take another car.
We drove well over the speed limit, checking Google maps' traffic to make sure we took the fastest route. We got there a good 10 minutes before her fitting was scheduled. She showed up... 20 minutes later. No apology, no remorse, just a weak excuse about traffic.
Had the tables been turned, we would have endured the fiery wrath of the Princess Bride. Instead, we're expected to blow it off because she feels entitled.
As angry as she makes me, there's a compassionate part of my nature that thinks this girl has been so cast out and rejected by others in her life, she's retaliating against the whole world for it. 'Reject them before they can reject you' out of self-preservation. But as a one-sided fair-weather friend, who did anything but act like one, I'd had enough of her. You can't give all the time.
Her actual wedding was the final straw for me. She berated me for my flight time (of which I was taking unpaid leave from work to fly out), not RSVPing for a bachelorette party I wasn't even invivted to, and a whole bunch of other nonsense such as, "You never responded to my text that your bridesmaid dress was ready for pick-up!" She had me so stressed out about attending every last, little thing she demanded, I was ready to skip it, nevermind the thousand-plus dollars I'd invested in the trip. Then, when she was not only late to her own rehearsal (which I went through hell and earth, a 6am wake-up call, and a whole bunch of public transit rides to arrive on time for), but also to her wedding (leaving me and the other on-timers out in the frigid weather for 90 minutes), no apology, of course, I was livid. There's a lot of words that come to mind, but insensitive and self-centered immediately spring to mind. Hypocritical bitch isn't far behind.
Post-wedding, she was giving her usual stony-silent treatment for whatever insignificant reason or other. She ignored me and wouldn't respond to my invites to hang out (nevermind that the reciprocate would be met with death threats) until the day she needed a favor. Then she bugged me (and my husband) all day long. At that point, I'd had it. "You can hang out with other friends for fun, but as soon as you need something, you call me? Uh-uh. Not anymore."
I called her to straighten out the situation--she ignored my calls. Then she texted back that she was hanging out with some other friends because she "hadn't heard from me." A line so typical, if she was a doll with a pull cord, that would be her catch phrase. At that final breaking point, I sent her the aforementioned "So do you want to be friends anymore?" text message and haven't spoken to her since.
Laying it all out, I ask myself what took so long to cut her loose. Sure, we used to have fun - drama aside, she's an entertaining, witty person with a big heart. But it's so taxing going through endless rotations of annoyance - I've gone through this with her. I know what happens. I know it won't be long until it happens again.
It's just not my duty or obligation to put up with a shell of a friendship. As I put a lock on that area of my life, I tell myself I'll save my time for someone better.
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